I am waiting.

She is thinking about her man.  He is more of an apparition, because he has been distant lately.  There are a lot of possible reasons.  Some people may say that a lover will become distant when they are being unfaithful, feeling unattractive, suffering depression, distracted with work, so on and so forth.  The list may be extensive. 

There was a point when I felt like my spouse's distance--when it came to the frequency of "intimate encounters"--was because of me.  It was not that I felt I was doing anything wrong.  Instead, it came down to me being me.  As a woman, I think there is this inherent trait of psycho-analyzing everything.  For me, I analyzed the lack of intimacy with ME not being desirable or attractive enough.  I would feel this pit in my stomach whenever my husband would "reject" me.  I put that word in quotation marks, because that was my interpretation.  I did not take into account that he was experiencing something that had nothing to do with me: his mother's health; work expectations; physical appearance; age-related libido changes.  I am 16 years younger, and my libido is in tune with a 16-year old boy.  We cannot always be on the same page. 

So, instead of giving into the self-centered assumptions, I am more understanding.  I wait for him.  To prevent the devastating pit in my stomach when he is not in the mood, I allow him to take action when he is ready.  He does not feel pressured and I do not feel rejected.  We need to realize that we will not be running on the same hormonal track.  We cannot automatically assume the worst.  Now, if your significant other never initiates intimacy, perhaps you should evaluate the situation more closely.  But, one thing I prompt couples in this situation to do is TALK!  How would I have known what my husband was going through without talking to him about it.  Even if the conversation was in between tear drops, the issue was discussed at the beginning, not after it festered.

We just had a similar discussion the other day.  Maybe a week had gone by without intimacy, and he apologized to me for his lack of attentions.  I let him talk about it, and he mentioned that he did not want me to "look elsewhere."  We run into this with couples that are going through intimacy issues and a spouse or significant other strays because of it.  They look elsewhere, because they feel they are not receiving affection or attention at home.  The root of the problem runs much deeper than one week without love-making.  I emphasize the first word: LOVE.  If you truly love someone, straying would really not be an option.  You would have analyzed any issues--like feelings of undesirability--before it got to the extreme of going elsewhere to satisfy your needs.  Are we so shallow?  I would like to give people more credit.  Again, if you love the one you are with, you talk it out.  You work on fixing it when it is a small wound. You heal it, and prevent scarring.  You will learn to wait, to understand, and to work through anything.  Now, if you have difficulty with any of the previously listed items, well, perhaps those vows, or those promises of commitment were not taken seriously.  Couples wait for each other.  They walk together through the problems and come out ahead.