Take Out the Trash



Crowning a woman's role as the "one to take out the garbage."  Literally.



This is where it starts, really.  Our gender roles seem to set the tone in relationships.  They are the unwritten, unspoken rules that have been in place since the dawn of time, or, at least, when my grandparents were youth. These said rules do not normally rear their ugly heads until people are years into their marriages or dating.  When does the transition from considerate lovers--when you take out the garbage without being asked or just so the other person does not have to--to "Did you take out the garbage? Why is the garbage overflowing? When were you going to take the garbage out?" There are many ways to say it, but it all translates to "Why do you have to be asked?"  


I almost think there is a level of comfort or laziness that we get into, where we lose sight of why we are in a relationship.  We forget the origin of it.  The reason we fell in love and why it feels good to be in love is so we can care for someone and they will care for us in return.  A mutual consideration where you constantly reap benefits.  Am I wrong?  I have heard the frustration in the voices of so many female friends as they relate the stories of their lazy [fill in the blank: husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.].  Their frustration stems from the lack of consideration that trickles all the way down to the most basic thing: garbage.  We resort to finding fault in the basic, because it has come to a head, they have hit a boiling point, from all of the things the person no longer does.  Instead of equal partners contributing to a common happiness and harmony, the scales become lopsided.  We are back in the era of when our grandmothers were stay-at-home June Cleavers, apron, oven mitt, standing before the oven pulling out the roast, while the hard-working husband comes home from a long day at the office, bringing home the bacon and deserving of a hot meal and a foot rub.  Really?  Are we back there, a snapshot from a "Mad Men" episode, where women tolerate their roles as kept individuals, a slave to their husband's needs and wants?  Are men still in the mindset that women are here to make sure the children are reared and to make sure the meals are on the table at the appropriate time?  I don't think that is it at all.  Although, on the surface, that may very well be the case.  Not exactly.  Instead, I think we are mutually at fault for these supposed gender roles. 


Women should speak up for themselves at the moment they become frustrated.  Men should feel equal in their roles as parents and be active participants in the upbringing of their children.  That includes making sure they have a well-balanced meal if Mom has a PTO meeting or taking little Janey to soccer practice.  Vice versa here too.  If Dad is taking Bobby to basketball, Mom should have something prepared for when they get home, to eat as a family.  This mentality applies even with couples that are childless.  Be aware that the other person is tired from a day at work, whatever their profession. 


Everyone wants to know, to trust, that things are taken care of at home without having to think twice about it.  If one is unable to do a household chore, the other will do it.  No one will have to be asked, told, or other.  Out of consideration for the person you love, and thinking that you would want it to be done, just do it.  JUST DO IT.  If you see the garbage is getting full, empty it for two reasons: you don't want your house to smell--you don't; you know that your significant other doesn't want your house to smell.  So, out of respect for their wants and for your own, take care of the obvious.  These are all givens.  Why does it seem so hard?  Imagine if you handled the little stuff, like taking out the garbage, what happiness would be brought to your house?  Perhaps, it would motivate you [again] to do the things that came so easy in the "early days" of your relationship.  Remember where you came from.